8th Day of SG and also my B-Day~

What a birthday..
First my mother run away or didn't come home.*no big deal she has been a problem in the start, ruined half or maybe all of my life..
Not much to say but my mother is really what you call an easy go where..
at an age of late 40 she is competing with my sisters in terms of passions and cloths..
Spent most of her money buying her own stuff and don't care if her children has some needs..

The mass today was about John the baptist birth..*not much to say about it..
It was fun at church everyone said happy birthday at me that made me a little bet embarrass..
I didn't receive any gift as usual.. all greetings and some money(and the money isn't that big to buy something nice).. I'm not expecting any party or celebration at home since mother just run away how can we celebrate..

As usual I make my self a poem as a gift..

Living a Dead Life

Am I dead because I no longer care about life?

Isn't it unfair to always lose on life's fight.

Am I dead since I no longer think of living

Since tomorrow is always dark as an evening..

Can I live if my Heart has been severely wounded

Not even a saint nor a doctor could get it healed.

Can I live if my soul had been so many times forsaken

In times of Trials it sleeps and can't be awaken

Every day is like an endless walk in an empty cemetery

I can't look at peoples face because they all look scary

Every day is like a nightmare in a dream of nothingness

An empty dream that has no hope of forgiveness

How I wish to lay asleep inside a coffin and never be awake

But I am a coward who's own life is hard to forsake.

How I wish that someone could make me dead

But one is strong when nothing could be save.

I no longer had any reason to keep on living

Since my life now has lost its meaning.

I no longer care of others and also to myself

Since I hated my self and can't love others for it.

Let me see that very little light in my world of darkness

It is the only hope I had in my life filled of emptiness.

Let me keep this little courage I had found in deaths valley

It is the only strength I had to hide all my life's worry

Finally I wanted to make a wish on this day

That let me live for another day without feeling sorry

For Had I not live a life filled with misunderstandings and guilt

And for it I hope I can forgive my self and let it all forget..

-Leafrust

Its quite long but its OK since its my birthday anyway..
Its 2 days before Christmas..
Let this day remind me always that My birthday is one of my worst day ever..