Welcome 2011, Happy New Year to all~

This year I thought I should make a list of not to do anymore..
But I realize that would be useless since a hobby can't be forgotten in a single day..
First of all I had a sad new years eve..
My parents started a fight at exactly 12am at January 1..
The reason of the fight sounds silly so I don't need to put it here..
The truth was I am expecting a fight between them but I thought my father would confront her after new year I never expected the fight would happen at exactly new years eve..
In the End we never quite celebrated new year..
This is one of the reason why I don't like special occasions like this (including Christmas)..
They always find a reason to make this special day a bad one..

I spent the rest of my new year (january1) at my aunt's house..
I don't feel staying at my own house.. my father wasn't still done lecturing us..
The blame of the failure new year was giving to us siblings including my mother..
The truth was the conflict started with my father but then again it is of his nature to put the blame to others and not to him self.. He always find a reason to exclude himself from the blame..

I had always been the center of the fight between the two in past few years..
Now that I am older I can somehow understand my father and mother..
If only I wasn't born maybe they both have a happy and separate life..
I was the center of frustration, the center of blame, the center of hate, and the center of there life's failure..
So I can't blame them If they hate me that much..
I won't say why it is like that since I only write here to remind me of certain things..
I won't embarrass my family or put shame on them than I already have..

As what I always do I well write my New years poem..
It is for my own and for everyone who read and accept it as a message for 2011..,

An old book made New

I always read old books filled with life's stories

Since It made me remember my own life worries

Every year is like an old book revised to be new

Same old stories and yet something was added to view..

Every new year comes we tried to Skip the pages of truth

We filled our self with lies and hide the thing we couldn't fought

Why are we always excited when new year finally arrive?

When we are quite aware that nothing would be new in our daily Life

I guess since its in our nature to have little faith and hope

We failed to see that life has always been new

Everyday Is different and important times were few

Like a book our life needs someone to read..

Let your life not be a new book filled with lies

Instead find someone who can read your every files

Take notes if you find something wrong

And read it again but this time one must be strong..

That's it for my new year poem.. My message for 2011..
I hope people who reads it understand what it truly means..
I had a lot of doubts in this year..
I doubt If I could truly live a life this year but I well keep on trying..
As long as I am alive..
As long as this little fragile hope is still available..
I will try not to be dead this year...
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL~~

GoodBye 2010

I was wondering what my life has been in 2010..
Then again I am still dead at that year so I think there is no life story to share..
Although I said I was dead that doesn't really mean lying in a grave..
rather what I mean was my life has been dull and null that there's nothing to tell..

As far as my memory could remember..
My life has been like A B C and D...
A I wake up and sleep
B I go to an Internet cafe and stayed for a few hours
C I eat and drink
D I watch TV or read something..

Spent all of my time inside the house sleeping..
I think I sleep 12-15 hours a day..*exaggerating?
I read a lot of novels..
I write a lot of story if I run out of novels to read..
In short I had live a life In my own Imaginary world..

I tried to go to work at my old boss back at 2009..
I thought I could handle it but after staying for a month I realize I still fear them..
In the end I failed a friend , that friend was my boss son..
I was hoping to use what I earned in there to find a more suitable job but
back at the house various problems occurred so I  quit..
It was a psychological warfare both in my home and at work..
I think If I hadn't quit I might kill somebody..
But the truth is much more deeper and I think I shall keep it within my self..

What else had I forgotten... come on think leaf think D think F..think 3x
 I watch a lot of anime's and read tons of Manga's..
What else...
I think there's nothing more left to tell or it is just that a lot happened
but since I had my own psychological problem I think I rather not tell..

Last but not the less I was hoping to die this year..
I mean I wanted to die this year like what I wanted to happened in 2009
but again I think I couldn't die yet..
I had always living a hopeless life but lately I found some little reason to continue..
I though it was foolish but then again maybe 2010 wasn't really that bad because
It was the year I had reason against my self and found a little hope within..
I rarely think negative now unlike the past that each of my action I always think negative results..
Its like a Pandora within me was open and I realize that despite my world of emptiness filled with darkness..
There was a little bright light.. so little that it can easy be ignored but when I look clearly to it..
I realize it might not be enough but it is something to start with..
I had always ask my self were to start after I give up on everything..
Within the confusion inside my self I had always been lost..
But maybe now that I was giving something to start with..
Although it might failed anytime and I might give up again..
This little fragile hope that I had found..
I well do my best not to break it..
And If I ever break it..
Then in 2011 I might again seek another reason to continue living..